Deep breath for this one! I know change is a constant in life. But gee sometimes it really is unrelenting and cruel. And it hits hard because you don’t see it coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop it. From Bondi Beach to fires and floods, we have been exposed to unchosen change on a scale never before experienced in Australia.

The New Year has started different. I’m finding usual activities like resetting for the year ahead and setting intentions and goals is hitting me different. The energy around the new year is different too. How are you going? Have you hit a pause on New Year activities or are you full steam ahead? No rights or wrongs here. But, if you’re feeling different feels to what you’ve felt before, please know you aren’t alone.

I’ve been finding my own ways to work through the events and happenings. We will all have different ways of sitting / moving in and around it. Today I want to share the concept of Chosen versus Unchosen Change as understanding the difference between them helps us to respond more effectively to life’s challenges.

Chosen Change

Refers to the changes we choose for ourselves

Unchosen Change

Refers to the changes that happen without our permission and where we have no control

Chosen change is usually planned and intentional. Think changing jobs, buying a new home, moving to the country or deciding to exercise more. The change can still be difficult, but because we choose it, we feel more motivate and in control of the change we’re going for.

Unchosen change happens outside our control. It can be unexpected and emotionally challenging. In fact, it can really stop us in our tracks as it disrupts our day to day life and creates uncertainty around us. Think the death of a loved one, floods, fires, a bad season or money woes. There’s complexity around unchosen change that can hang around and really hit deep. 

Here are a few ways to work through unchosen change that I hope will help …

1. Acknowledge your feelings.  Try to name them eg anger, fear, sadness, disappointment. Don’t ignore them. Allow yourself time to process them knowing the way you will process them is different to the next person.

2. Focus on what you can control. In amongst all the uncertainty, take time to work out how to respond to the change. The goal here is to regain a sense of stability by working out that you can’t stop the change but you can choose your response to it.

3. Ask for help. Reduce your stress by talking to others. Share what’s happening / happened with family, friends and or those you trust. This can reduce your stress and make you feel less isolated.

4. Establish and maintain routines. Return to the basics here of eating, sleeping well, going for a walk and activating routines that give you structure during uncertain times.

5. Practise self care and give yourself time. Look for way to relax and reduce stress. Choose things that nurture and sustain you and do these. Take your eye off the clock and the need to “move on”. Instead, be patient with yourself and take time to recognise the unchosen change and that healing takes time.

Over to You

Take some time to reflect on these. Are any helpful to you right now?