I’ve had lots of travel already this year. At last count I’d facilitated around 30 workshops – some virtual and most face to face. Some for a day, half day and others for 45 mins. One of the things I love most about facilitating leadership is the opportunity to plan, revise, remember the audience and then develop the learning activities / resources to suit. People often comment after I facilitate a workshop, or I return from travelling that I must feel tired or need time out. Perhaps I look tired and need time out. Ha ha! This is where boundaries come in. I’ll share some of my favourites below! Boundaries are extremely important when facilitating and they are as important in work and life too. This is the focus of today’s newsy!
Setting and exercising boundaries is critical for maintaining healthy relationships, protecting your mental wellbeing, and creating a balanced life. To be honest, given the mental loads people carry these days, I wonder what or how effective the boundaries are that people set. So what exactly is a boundary?
“Boundaries are the limits you set to define what you are comfortable with and how you expect others to treat you.”
Without clear boundaries, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, taken advantage of (which I know leads to resentment or as we call it in our family the Capital R), or emotionally drained. Learning to establish and maintain boundaries is a powerful form of self-respect. This extends from respect for yourself to your work / job, business, family, community etc. Yep, it’s boundaries all round.
One of the key reasons boundaries matter is that they help preserve your energy. When you constantly say “yes” to others without considering your own needs, it can lead to the Capital R as well as burnout.
“Boundaries allow you to prioritise what truly matters. This ensures your time and energy are spent in ways that align with your values.”
Boundaries improve relationships because when you clearly communicate what’s OK and what’s not OK to others it fosters trust and respect. People know where they stand. If you don’t set and exercise your boundaries – physical, emotional, mental and material it’s highly likely frustrations and misunderstandings will build up. This can then lead to tension, conflict and even a breakdown of the relationship. Boundaries help to maintain self respect.
Here are some practical tips for setting effective boundaries…….
1. Know what’s OK and what’s not OK for you. Set your limits. This extends from what time you start / finish work, to how long phone calls are or even if you take a call, how many times a day you check your emails or social media or when / if you lend family / friends money. Some people refer to them as your “rules”.
2. Availability to others. Have you noticed how easy it is for people to ask you for or to do something and how difficult it can be to say “NO”? Have some one-liners up your sleeve to help like “I can’t be in Queensland on that date” “I’m not available for that right now” “I’m leaving at 10 am”. Value your own wellbeing by saying NO.
3. Emotional availability to others. Support others without taking on their emotional load. I find this important when coaching and facilitating. Knowing I’m not responsible for other people’s happiness has been a game changer for me.
4. Be consistent. You will know when your boundaries are being tested. Be consistent. Consistency reinforces what’s OK and what’s not OK for you and shows that you are serious about them. People will get the message if you maintain consistency and you will maintain your boundary = happiness.
5. Habits and rituals. I use habits and rituals to maintain boundaries, and especially so when travelling. This includes a stash of my own herbal tea bags, taking my morning greens, heading to bed around 10 pm, setting agendas for the following day the night before, completing a mental SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats) scan after each meeting / facilitation and reading a couple of chapters of a good book before lights out.
Over to You
Do any of these resonate for you? Could any be helpful in your work / relationships today?
